What's with all the spitting?

What’s with all the spitting?
I was talking to a woman the other day about her use of porn movies as training films to awaken her to new things in the bedroom. So what have you learned, I said, ever curious. Well, spitting, my friend said. I do that a lot now. That’s hot.
Spitting, I said, somewhat incredulous. Spitting, to me, is nothing new. I first noticed it when I was reviewing adult films in the early ‘90’s, which is so Last Century. I suppose you could almost call spitting Old School. But this was a nice suburban lady I was talking to, and I realized she probably was new to watching porn, so spitting to her was unique and original. What she likes about it, she said, was that spitting on a cock, or having her vagina or rectum spat on seemed really dirty and nasty, nasty sex being her obsession. Her one question/problem to me was how did the porn performers manage to have so much spit. How do they have that much saliva? she asked.
I told my friend that a lot of the spit you see in a porn movie is like styled food. In other words, it’s not real, or it’s been enhanced by an artificial spit substance. That’s why spit on film it’s always so viscous and foamy, I added, knowing all the tricks of behind the scenes. I reminded her that spitting was not a romantic act; in fact, in some states, spitting is a crime. It’s considered a kind of assault, and not so long ago in Florida, a woman who spit on someone was even charged with a hate crime.
If it’s down and dirty sex you’re after, you can’t go wrong with spit. It’s aggressive. It’s assertive. And it’s the world’s cheapest lubricant. Don’t have enough natural saliva to make it work? So far no sex toy or aid manufacturer has marketed anything resembling artificial spit. And you do know silicone based lubes taste terrible and shouldn’t be put in your mouth! The solution is simple glycerin which can be purchased in any drugstore. Not only does glycerin have the added bonus of being a natural tooth cleaner, it also has an antibacterial potential. That makes using it a win-win. So spit away.
Eve Marx
Eve Marx is a professional ‘sexpert,’ and author of “101 Things You Didn’t Know About Sex,” “What’s Your Sexual IQ?” and “The Goddess Orgasm.” Log on to her website or check out her blog.

"50 Shades of Grey" sends a wrong message

Lately I’ve been barraged by women asking me what I think about “50 Shades of Grey,” the erotic novel the New York Times deemed fit to write about on their front page. As a professional sex writer, the assumption is I’ve read the book and love it. It’s undoubtedly unfair for me to be so opinionated about a book I’ve barely skimmed; what fascinates me the phenomena of so many women embracing an open fantasy about sexual subjugation.

“50 Shades of Grey,” is the story of Ana, a young, unsophisticated girl who, surprise, surprise, succumbs to the attentions of an attractive older man. It’s basically “The Story of O,” a novel about dominance and submission first published in 1954 by French author Anne Desclos, writing under the pen name Pauline Reage. In “50 Shades,” the man, called “Grey,” is consumed by a need to be controlling. As he and Ana’s relationship progresses, Ana discovers a taste for punishment and discipline.

Thirty five years ago in her ground-breaking, nonfiction book, “My Secret Garden,” feminist author Nancy Friday who writes about female sexuality and liberation, noted that a significant number of women entertain erotic fantasies of being raped and forced to perform sex acts against their will, which they enjoy despite their protests. Unfortunately, many women who have been raped for real are accused of having enjoyed the experience, if not having asked for it; for decades it wasn’t uncommon to call raped women whores, and allow accused rapists to roam free to assault and rape other women.

How you feel about “50 Shades of Grey,” could be construed as political. As a feminist who for years edited and wrote for sex magazines, I find myself upset and repelled by its message. In a restaurant the other night a young woman eagerly handed me her copy. She said she was only a third of the way through the book, but so far, found it thrilling. Skimming through the first few chapters, "Grey,” seemed a simple formula of chick lit crossed with romance genre. Then I got to an appendix which had a questionnaire inquiring what kinds of torture could be enjoyed/inflicted as a route to orgasm. The check off list included “biting,” “slapping,” “hitting,” and “nipple clamps,” the last a medieval tool of torture designed to wrest confessions from prisoners. Driving home from the restaurant, I wondered out loud if fans of Rick Santorum find the novel compelling because it reinforces those old traditions of feminine docility and men in power. From Santorum’s position, you could argue the story is almost biblical. And it’s not just Republicans. Explain to me how the same women who claim they stand for reproductive choice, and who don’t want men telling them what to do with their wombs, at the same time yearn to be controlled and dominated in the bedroom? Talk about a disconnect.

Another troubling thing about “50 Shades of Grey,” is that while the book is fiction, reality is not so far away. Right here in Pound Ridge, for years a man kept 3 women as sex slaves in his home before one escaped and he was brought to justice. The Northern Westchester Shelter and Hope’s Door and My Sister’s Place know all too well how many women in Westchester County are abused and subjugated by men who forcibly control them. The majority of domestic violence cases are never reported. With violence against women on the rise, I don’t think we need popular fiction to encourage it.

I’m not a prude. I’m all for sexy books. I’m a huge fan of John Updike, Phillip Roth, Erica Jong, Terry Southern, Henry Miller, Anais Nin, to name a few. I was practically weaned on Jackie Susanne and Jackie Collins. I still vividly recall the sexy passages from books like “Candy,” and “Boys and Girls Together,” and “The Sensuous Woman.” But none of those books had a theme of sexual violence.

Be careful for what you wish for, I say to women who fantasize about a sexy controlling master telling them what to do. You could find yourself like the heroine of another seductive, kinky novel, “9 ½ Weeks,” who after lovemaking stood in front of the bathroom mirror, applying ice to her split lip. “50 Shades of Grey,” is an important demonstration of the power and commerciality of ebooks, self-marketing and promotion. But as erotica, I find it scary.