There I was, in the customer lounge at my auto’s dealership,
waiting to have my brakes done and my oil changed. Not overly a fan of car
ownership in general, I find auto customer lounges to be especially
dispiriting. To any ex-NYC city folk, even if you haven’t lived there in 20
years, there’s something so quintessentially wretched and suburban about
waiting around for your wheels to be serviced. It’s almost worse than
the DMV. While the various dealerships make an effort, sometimes even a supreme
effort (my own dealership is particularly kind, offering Keurig coffee, TV, and
free Wifi), the wait is always long and tedious until your name is called. This
time I brought a book but too quickly finished it. Having failed to bring my
laptop, I started watching tv.
The tail end of the “Live with Kelly and Michael” was on and
their guest was Kevin Bacon. I’m inclined to like Kevin solely on the basis of
his name. Besides sworn vegans, who doesn’t like Bacon? Kevin was promoting
his star turn in a new cable series, “The Following,” but he also was charming and chatty about his upcoming anniversary with
his wife, Kyra Sedgewick. Her show, “The Closer,” which shot for several years
in L.A., has ended, but she said she would miss it (and no doubt the weather).
So Kevin revealed that they bought a a small place in L.A. to be their romantic
grown up “empty nest” getaway because their home in CT is never empty thanks to
their kids. Stuck as I was in the auto customer lounge, I couldn’t tear my eyes
off Kevin, who appears to never age, and is even better looking now than he was
when he starred in “Diner,” “Apollo 13,” and “Mystic River.” He also seems like
the perfect husband, i.e. a subscriber to the adage, “Happy wife, happy life.” For
their upcoming significant anniversary, instead of the “Footloose” style dance
party they usually have, Kyra expressed interest in renewing their marriage vows.
“I don’t really like the idea, but if she wants it, I’ll do it,” Kevin said,
manfully.
The Rachael Ray show was next. In case you haven’t tuned in
for awhile, Rachael’s not all about cooking now, although there is a heavy
cooking component. And I do mean, heavy. More on that in a minute. Rachael kicks
off sitting on a couch with her guest du jour, who that morning was a doctor opining
how to prevent flu and other dangerous germs from entering your domicile. By
the time the guy was through, I couldn’t decide if he was a freakazoid
germaphobe or a reckoning into the future. when not only will we all be armed,
but we’ll all be wearing plastic gloves and surgical masks. According to this
guy, you should never touch an ATM with your bare hands. fingers. You should
use hand sanitizer throughout the day, that is when you can’t actually use soap
and water. You should spray clean the face of your smart phone regularly, and while
out and about, never ever touch a handrail or a door knob. You should never
wear shoes or boots inside the house. While he was talking I thought how germy
I must be, although I almost never use an ATM, don’t own a smart phone, and
gave up taking mine or anybody else’s boots off upon entry.
Sitting in a public waiting room watching all this, I was
starting to feel a bit hinky. One of the things the doc said never to do was
touch a waiting room magazine. He got quite graphic and gross talking about
waiting rooms in doctors’ offices. Of course I realized how all the magazines
are touched over and over by sick peoples’ hands. Just as I was pulling my coat
around me more tightly as though it could be a barrier to other peoples’
viruses, Rachael switched gears to enter her special Rachael Ray kitchen where
she was about to present her recipe for apple cider brined double cut pork
chops. The recipe called for making mulled cider first and then soaking the
chops in them overnight. After that the chops were dried, dredged lightly in
flour, and browned in a pan. Next they were popped in a Dutch oven and
smothered with browned onions and then slow cooked for several hours to be
served with crispy, thick, potato pancakes, and green beans. After all this
talk with the doc about avoiding germs, I was shocked by Rachael’s food, which
was high calorie, extremely heavy, and covered and cooked in gobs of fat and
salt. And her serving sizes! She must be appeasing the heart, aka “heart
attack” land. A single portion was 2 thick cut boned pork chops, 2 enormous
potato pancakes, and a quarter cup of green beans. Now I really was feeling
sick.
The takeaway from this story is that once they said my car
was ready, I drove straight home not to disinfect the house, which is hopeless,
but to duplicate the apple cider brine. Rachael said herself it could be used
on a whole chicken. I poured a quarter jug of fresh apple cider into a saucepan.
To this I added a splash of apple cider vinegar, some fresh garlic, and a
couple of bay leaves. I brought this mixture to a rolling boil, and poured it
over a washed, fresh killed organic whole chicken waiting in a stainless steel
bowl. This went into the refrigerator to rest overnight. In a couple of hours,
I’ll take out the chicken, dry it, and pan roast it in the oven. We have
broccoli and spinach. My husband would probably love the potato pancakes, but
they’re not on our diet.
