Lately I’ve been barraged by women asking me what I think about “50 Shades of Grey,” the erotic novel the New York Times deemed fit to write about on their front page. As a professional sex writer, the assumption is I’ve read the book and love it. It’s undoubtedly unfair for me to be so opinionated about a book I’ve barely skimmed; what fascinates me the phenomena of so many women embracing an open fantasy about sexual subjugation.
“50 Shades of Grey,” is the story of Ana, a young, unsophisticated girl who, surprise, surprise, succumbs to the attentions of an attractive older man. It’s basically “The Story of O,” a novel about dominance and submission first published in 1954 by French author Anne Desclos, writing under the pen name Pauline Reage. In “50 Shades,” the man, called “Grey,” is consumed by a need to be controlling. As he and Ana’s relationship progresses, Ana discovers a taste for punishment and discipline.
Thirty five years ago in her ground-breaking, nonfiction book, “My Secret Garden,” feminist author Nancy Friday who writes about female sexuality and liberation, noted that a significant number of women entertain erotic fantasies of being raped and forced to perform sex acts against their will, which they enjoy despite their protests. Unfortunately, many women who have been raped for real are accused of having enjoyed the experience, if not having asked for it; for decades it wasn’t uncommon to call raped women whores, and allow accused rapists to roam free to assault and rape other women.
How you feel about “50 Shades of Grey,” could be construed as political. As a feminist who for years edited and wrote for sex magazines, I find myself upset and repelled by its message. In a restaurant the other night a young woman eagerly handed me her copy. She said she was only a third of the way through the book, but so far, found it thrilling. Skimming through the first few chapters, "Grey,” seemed a simple formula of chick lit crossed with romance genre. Then I got to an appendix which had a questionnaire inquiring what kinds of torture could be enjoyed/inflicted as a route to orgasm. The check off list included “biting,” “slapping,” “hitting,” and “nipple clamps,” the last a medieval tool of torture designed to wrest confessions from prisoners. Driving home from the restaurant, I wondered out loud if fans of Rick Santorum find the novel compelling because it reinforces those old traditions of feminine docility and men in power. From Santorum’s position, you could argue the story is almost biblical. And it’s not just Republicans. Explain to me how the same women who claim they stand for reproductive choice, and who don’t want men telling them what to do with their wombs, at the same time yearn to be controlled and dominated in the bedroom? Talk about a disconnect.
Another troubling thing about “50 Shades of Grey,” is that while the book is fiction, reality is not so far away. Right here in Pound Ridge, for years a man kept 3 women as sex slaves in his home before one escaped and he was brought to justice. The Northern Westchester Shelter and Hope’s Door and My Sister’s Place know all too well how many women in Westchester County are abused and subjugated by men who forcibly control them. The majority of domestic violence cases are never reported. With violence against women on the rise, I don’t think we need popular fiction to encourage it.
I’m not a prude. I’m all for sexy books. I’m a huge fan of John Updike, Phillip Roth, Erica Jong, Terry Southern, Henry Miller, Anais Nin, to name a few. I was practically weaned on Jackie Susanne and Jackie Collins. I still vividly recall the sexy passages from books like “Candy,” and “Boys and Girls Together,” and “The Sensuous Woman.” But none of those books had a theme of sexual violence.
Be careful for what you wish for, I say to women who fantasize about a sexy controlling master telling them what to do. You could find yourself like the heroine of another seductive, kinky novel, “9 ½ Weeks,” who after lovemaking stood in front of the bathroom mirror, applying ice to her split lip. “50 Shades of Grey,” is an important demonstration of the power and commerciality of ebooks, self-marketing and promotion. But as erotica, I find it scary.
4 comments:
Excellent overview connecting to present day reality and politics. Thank you. I always enjoyed your articles in Bedford Review, and wondered "Who is this woman in Bedford so well informed and boldly opinionated whom I agree with?"
Books like this give male domination a bad name. I was so excited to hear about a book that would help people see some of what BDSM is about. I read the Kindle sample and wanted to scream. When Ana couldn't stop dreaming of Grey even though she was scared of him, I was angered. It shows that women should ignore their instincts and submit to undeserving "men." A true Dominant or Master knows to build trust with his submissive or slave. She submits willingly and out of love, not fear for her life or livelihood. It should be no scarier to be called his submissive or slave than his wife. The term pet partially refers to the care and affection one receives. You don't throw around your dog or forget to feed it.
In all actuality, she is the one with the control. Her limits are respected and she only does what she agrees on doing in the beginning and as is to be discussed later. She makes the call to use a safe word, which is to be respected.
Her growth as a person is guided by the One above her. When I was under my first, I went from a woman that shied from people, wore men's clothes and was very afraid to ask for help to dressing as a female, socializing, and being able to ask for help that might save my career and ability to support myself financially. He would remind me that he might be guiding me and making the changes less scary, but I was the one doing the work to have a better life.
He never made my decisions about going to church or not. There are some things he left to me.
Those that see this type of relationship as it is intended to be know that he is not an abusive drill sergeant. He is a guide, friend, comforter, and, in many cases, lover.
As for the painful activities, they bring out the same chemicals that are released in runner's highs and orgasms. For me, the typical sexual activities don't bring them out at my desired level. Some of us just need a bit more oomph. Proper safety measures should be taken and both involved should know how to handle the situation should something go against the plan. Dominants and Masters take care to know that they are not repeating abuse or playing with one with something the help of psychologists but are participating in good, healthy fun. Unlike in an attack, both involved in these activities should enjoy it.
Well, the book ignores Feminism & Puritanism and therefore, it generates a natural joy! In essence the book is also saying is human moral delusions sometimes have biological limits. You simply can't supress biology!
Rape happens across animal kingdom!
feminism has gone horribly wrong women are proud to have horrible mans children. while the loving caring men are called too nice or creepy in society now. women praise the violent controlling men while complaining they cheat and no good men have children now
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